THE FREEDOM OF FORGIVENESS
by Creation Health
THE HEALING POWER OF FORGIVENESS
Have you ever felt the weight of carrying a grudge? That heavy feeling in your chest when someone’s name comes up in conversation, or the way past hurts can suddenly flood back when you least expect them? You’re not alone. We’ve all been there, holding onto pain that someone else caused us, believing somehow that our anger protects us or serves justice.
But what if holding onto that hurt is actually hurting you more than anyone else?
Research shows that forgiveness isn’t just a nice idea or religious concept — it’s actually essential for your mental health and the quality of your relationships. When we understand what forgiveness really does for us, we discover it’s one of the most powerful tools we have for healing and connection.
THE MENTAL HEALTH BENEFITS OF FORGIVENESS
Studies consistently show that people who forgive experience better psychological well-being than those who hold onto resentment. In a comprehensive study of 456 adults, researchers found that forgiveness directly improves mental health by helping people overcome the negative thoughts and feelings tied to past offenses. When you forgive, you’re not just helping the other person — you’re giving yourself freedom from the mental burden of anger and hurt.
The process works because forgiveness is fundamentally about emotion regulation. When we’ve been hurt, our natural response is to replay the offense, harbor resentment and plan ways to protect ourselves. But research shows that forgiveness engages our self-regulatory strength — our ability to control impulses and manage emotions in healthier ways. Instead of being controlled by negative emotions, forgiveness helps us take back control of our mental state.
Think about it this way: unforgiveness is like carrying a heavy backpack everywhere you go. Over time, that weight affects how you walk, how far you can travel and how much energy you have for other things. Forgiveness is the decision to set that backpack down.
BETTER RELATIONSHIPS THROUGH FORGIVENESS
Forgiveness doesn’t just help you feel better — it actually makes you better at relationships. Recent research found that people who are willing to forgive are significantly better at solving interpersonal problems. They approach conflicts more constructively, avoid negative behaviors and take more responsibility for finding solutions.
When you practice forgiveness, you develop skills that help in all your relationships. You become less likely to hold grudges, more willing to work through difficulties and better at seeing situations from other perspectives. This creates a positive cycle where your relationships improve, which then supports your overall well-being.
The research also shows that forgiveness affects how we handle future conflicts. People who forgive regularly are less likely to use avoidance tactics or negative approaches when problems arise. Instead, they engage more directly and positively, leading to healthier resolution of disagreements.
THE HIDDEN DANGER OF RESENTMENT
Here’s something that might surprise you: research reveals that resentment can actually cancel out the positive effects of forgiveness on mental health. It’s not enough to just say you forgive someone if you’re still harboring angry feelings underneath. True forgiveness involves both the decision to forgive and the emotional work of letting go of resentment.
This doesn’t mean you have to feel warm and fuzzy about someone who hurt you. Forgiveness isn’t the same as excusing bad behavior or pretending the offense didn’t matter. It’s about choosing not to let that person’s actions continue to control your emotional state.
The good news is that forgiveness benefits everyone involved. Research shows that not only do victims of offense experience better mental health when they forgive, but perpetrators who seek forgiveness and learn to forgive themselves also experience improved psychological well-being.⁵ This creates opportunities for genuine healing in relationships.
THE FAITH CONNECTION
For those with a faith background, forgiveness takes on even deeper meaning. Jesus taught us to pray, “Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors” (Matthew 6:12). This isn’t just about following rules — it’s about understanding that forgiveness is how God designed relationships to work best.
When we forgive others, we’re participating in the same grace that God shows us every day. We’re acknowledging that we all need forgiveness and that healing is possible even after deep hurt. This perspective can actually make forgiveness easier because it reminds us that we’re not perfect either.
Biblical forgiveness also gives us a model for healthy boundaries. Forgiving someone doesn’t mean you have to trust them immediately or put yourself in harm’s way. It means you’re choosing not to let their actions poison your heart and mind.
PRACTICAL STEPS TOWARD FORGIVENESS
Forgiveness is a process, not a one-time event. Some hurts are deeper than others, and some relationships need more time to heal. Research suggests that forgiveness develops through emotion regulation skills, particularly the ability to reframe situations in more positive ways.²
Start small. Practice forgiving minor offenses quickly instead of letting them build up. When someone cuts you off in traffic or forgets to return your call, use those moments to exercise your forgiveness muscles.
For deeper hurts, remember that forgiveness is primarily about your wellbeing, not theirs. You’re not forgiving them because they deserve it — you’re forgiving them because you deserve peace.
Consider talking to a counselor, pastor or trusted friend about significant hurts. Sometimes we need help processing our emotions before we can truly let go.
YOUR NEXT STEP
The research is clear: forgiveness is one of the most powerful tools you have for improving your mental health and strengthening your relationships. It’s not always easy, but it’s always worth it.
Today, think about one person you need to forgive — maybe someone who hurt you years ago, or perhaps someone who disappointed you recently. You don’t have to contact them or even tell them. Start by making the decision in your own heart to let go of the resentment you’ve been carrying. Choose to stop letting their actions control your emotional state.
Your future self — and your relationships — will thank you for taking this step toward healing and freedom.
